Old Man Scouting

What is Old Man Scouting?

Boy Scouts encourages young people to learn useful skills, explore the world, and become more self-reliant. Well. That's the marketing.

When I was young, I was in the Cub Scouts, of which my opinion is neutral, and then the Boy Scouts, of which my opinion is not so neutral.

There’s that Scout Law, right? And the Scout Oath. And the Scout Salute.

A Boy Scout is

• trustworthy
• loyal
• helpful
• friendly
• courteous
• kind
• obedient
• cheerful
• thrifty
• brave
• clean
• reverent

I recall very little about my very short time in the Boy Scouts. But what I do recall…

At one of the few Scout meetings I attended, we were discussing merit badges and a merit badge involving map reading in particular. I mentioned that I could read maps. A little later at the meeting, several of the other scouts suggested that I look at the materials for map reading. I asked a question about one of the maps. In response, one of the other Scouts pulled the map out of my hand and said that I obviously couldn’t read maps. I will argue that they had a non-standard topological map. But even if I was foolishly and incorrectly claiming to read maps, pulling the map out of my hand etc. was not helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, or cheerful.

A few months later, I went to Boy Scout camp for what was supposed to be a two week camping trip. Almost immediately after arriving, another newb and I were told to go around to other troops to get a left-handed smoke shifter. Both of said we knew there was no such thing. The Scout Master and the other Scouts laughed, maintained that there was, and insisted that we go, which we obediently did. Of course, as we traipsed through the woods from one campsite to another, each troop we encountered would ask what we were doing. We would explain that we had been told to get the mythological left-handed smoke shifter. They would laugh, maintain that such did exist, and send us on our way to another troop. Now you may find that funny. But it is not trustworthy, helpful, friendly, courteous, or kind to do that.

One day, I was assigned to participate in washing the pots and pans. I was directed to use a large pot of water to wash the pots. But I was not told that the water was boiling. I burned my hand. Not terribly. But still. Again, the Scout Master and other Scouts laughed; and they admonished me to be more careful. Again, that is not trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, or kind.

As for clean, we had an outhouse with two “seats” with no separation between them. Sorry. Not really. But that is not my idea of clean. And I don’t recall any of my fellow Scouts or our Scout Master as being clean.

After one week of this [expletive], I left. And that was the end of my Scouting experience.

Nevertheless, I remembered (apparently incorrectly, as we will see) that there were worthwhile things about Scouting. And I thought the merit badges were a substantial part of that. I carried with me for all these years the idea that I would like to unofficially earn the merit badges for my own benefit. And now they have all the information necessary online. And I have time on my hands.

Hence, I have decided to unofficially earn all of the Scouting merit badges. But what I have discovered as I look at the materials is that they are, in fact, less than worthwhile. And so, here I will document my journey completing the requirements. This won’t be pretty.

But I do think there are worthwhile things that someone might accomplish. And so I am developing my own version of Scouting, Old Man Scouting, with my own merit badges. And here I will document my journey through that as well.